


Had Your Reasons

by Floral-Foxes (stilalalinski)



Series: 4 times Loki lied +1 time he told the truth [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Gen, Minor Character Death, Panic Attacks, Sif-mentioned, Thor and Loki continue to fight and make up fight and makeup, hurt-comfort, loki is powerful but not THAT powerful
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-10
Updated: 2018-03-10
Packaged: 2019-03-29 09:31:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13924305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stilalalinski/pseuds/Floral-Foxes
Summary: “You’d be amazing at anything you wanted to be,” he said earnestly, too earnestly, if Loki’s suddenly pinched expression was any indication. His sharp gaze darted between Thor and the empty mug on the counter in suspicion.“You’re drunk.”“Only a little,” Thor mumbled stubbornly. “What I said is still true, though”_______________________________________________Thor really shouldn't talk about serious things when he's drunk.





	Had Your Reasons

**Author's Note:**

> This one is probably my least favorite out of the three, but I hope you enjoy it, anyways. Only one more lie to go! 
> 
> Reminder that this entire series is inspired by "More Than You Know" by Axwell

_How did he escape Asgard's fiery ruins?_

 

Later, when Brunnhilde and the Hulk had long since retired, Thor sat at the bar with his head hanging heavily in his hand, fingers absently rubbing at the burning skin under his eye patch.

The wound was no longer a stabbing, blinding pain from the first week, but instead a tedious ache that never seemed to go away. It ebbed like a tide, waves of pain washing away into a lapse of sea spray waiting for the next flood--never truly gone.

The more tired he was, the more stressed, the worse the pain was--and though he was pleasantly buzzed, the day’s events were quickly catching up to Thor in spikes of agony.

He groaned when he pushed on a particularly tender spot and saw flashes of light dance behind his closed lid.

“Stop messing with it, idiot. You’ll only make it worse.”

Cool fingers slipped under Thor’s and pushed them aside, the gentleness of the motion belaying the harshness of the words.

_Ahh Loki._

“With your consistent prodding it’s a miracle you don’t have an infection,” Loki tutted quietly, icey fingers quelling the feverish burn of the scarring wound.

“That’s what I have you for,” Thor all-but purred from the blissful relief Loki’s ministrations provided. He sighed heavily when Loki found the painful spot from earlier, pressure lifting with each gentle swipe of a thumb.

“Is this magic?” Thor managed to mumble--had he been sober he probably would have been embarrassed with how heavily he leaned into his brother’s soothing hand.

Right now he truly couldn’t give a fuck.

“No,” Loki chuckled softly, fingers slipping from Thor’s eye to run through his shorn locks. “Healing magic is not one of my many strengths.”

The hand disappeared entirely and Thor finally cracked his eye open, disappointed the unexpected massage was over.

“Then how?” he mumbled through a pout, watching as Loki slid into the seat next to him.

Loki studied him for a moment, and Thor felt utterly stupid by the scrutiny--like he was missing something important.

“I have this nifty thing called Jotunn blood,” Loki stated plainly. “Maybe you’ve heard of it? I don’t know, it’s rather obscure.”

Thor’s mouth formed a tiny ‘o’, shame coursing through him at how easily he forgot. It need not matter to Thor where his brother was from, but he knew it was of great importance to Loki--something the two had never really discussed.

“Loki--”

“Maybe if this whole Revenger thing doesn’t work out I’ll go into the ice-making business,” Loki added conversationally, face drawn in mock seriousness. Thor let the moment pass, if Loki wanted to play it off as a joke he’d oblige.

“I’ve heard rumors of great Midgardian men and women who provide tasty ice treats to kids all around the world,” Thor grinned. “You’d be the best in no time.”

“Obviously, what with my natural born talents,” Loki agreed dryly.

The two exchanged amused looks before dissolving into quiet laughter, the genuine happiness behind Loki’s chuckles a sound Thor hadn’t heard in years, a sound he dearly missed.

It made him sentimental.

“You’d be amazing at anything you wanted to be,” he said earnestly, too earnestly, if Loki’s suddenly pinched expression was any indication. His sharp gaze darted between Thor and the empty mug on the counter in suspicion.

“You’re drunk.”

“Only a little,” Thor mumbled stubbornly. “What I said is still true, though”

Loki rolled his eyes and slid off the stool, wrenching an unopened bottle of alcohol from Thor’s reaching grasp.

“What would the citizens say if they saw their King in this state?” he drawled, ignoring Thor’s last comment.

Thor dropped his head to the counter with a hefty thud, fists clenching in his lap.

“Their fears of my ineptitude as King would be affirmed,” he groaned into the wood. He was frustrated with himself--hadn’t he just been complaining about Brunnhilde’s drinking?

Thor rolled his head to the side so he could better see Loki, his brother’s expression not as condemning as he feared it would be.

Instead, Loki snorted and strolled behind the bar to grab a clean mug, uncorking the bottle still in hand and pouring a generous amount for himself.

“You’re allowed to get drunk every now and again,” he said with a shrug and small toast in Thor’s direction, downing half the drink in one decisive swig.

Thor watched through a haze as Loki finished the mug and promptly refilled it, brain sluggishly processing what was happening.

“When did you become such a drinker?” he asked slowly. The bar creaked as Loki leaned against it, arms crossing on the old wood.

“When I was on Sakaar,” he said, brow raised as if daring Thor to make a snide comment.

It wasn’t an unfair reaction, Thor thought bitterly, based on his fuck up about the Grandmaster earlier in the day.

Humming noncommittally, Thor simply rolled his face down onto the bar again. He didn’t want to think about Loki on Sakaar anymore.

 

It was quiet except for the tapping of Loki’s fingers and occasional clinking of glass. The ship was probably half-asleep by now, though it was difficult to tell time in space--for all Thor knew it could be the middle of the day.

He really should have gone with Brunnhilde and Hulk when they wandered off to bed, he had to get up early tomorrow for their trip for resources, and he’d need to be awake and alert in case things went south on the planet.

He lifted his head with a large yawn and ran his hand tiredly through his hair, still taken off guard by how short it was.

“I miss my hair,” Thor whined petulantly, suddenly overcome with the urge to cry (he wouldn’t, not in front of Loki, about his hair of all things--but he really, really wanted to).

He looked up to find his brother eyeing him impassively.

“You almost died, and your upset about your hair?”

“No,” Thor frowned, “I just...feel weird without it.”

Loki didn’t seem very swayed, though.

“You wouldn’t like if something happened to your hair,” Thor snapped childishly, mad Loki wasn’t understanding the weight of his grief.

“I can look however I want, whenever I want,” Loki remarked blithely.

“And yet you look as greasy as ever,” Thor scoffed, pushing himself off his stool. “Why did you even come here, just to make me feel stupid?”

“You don’t need my help for that,” Loki snarled, straightening to face Thor fully.

Thor growled and kicked his chair over, feeling a childish need to break something.

“Why can’t we have a single fucking conversation without arguing?” he bellowed, fists aching to swing.

“Believe it or not, but I didn’t come here looking to fight about your hair,” Loki sniffed disdainfully, an impeccable stillness overcoming him--calmness that only served to further irritate Thor.

“It’s not just about my hair!” Thor shouted, fists slamming against the counter, and fuck he was crying, silent tears tracing his cheeks in a flood he didn’t know how to stop.

“It’s about--” Thor choked, broke off, started again, “it’s about my eye and--” he couldn’t stop himself now, words pouring out of him in gasps, the dam of _don't think about it_ breaking.

“--and Father, Asgard. It’s about Hogunn and Fandral and Volstagg,” he moaned. “All gone. They’re all gone. Everyone’s gone.”

_ Mother. Father. Volstagg. Fandral. Hogunn. Sif. Jane. Hair. Eye. Mjolnir. Asgard. Loki. Loki. Loki _

_ Things gone, things missing, his heart ripped apart over and over again.  _

The world was muffled white noise, black tendrils of darkness crept across his vision ( _no no I can’t lose my other eye, please_ ), and his heart beat painfully in his throat, constricting his breath--this was how he was going to die.

He survived Ragnorak only to die because of a fucking heart attack.

God he was tired. So tired.

 

Distantly, Thor registered the cool hands had returned to his skin, a smooth blanket on top of his curled fists.

“Breathe, Thor.”

The voice was soft, comforting.

“You have to breathe.”

The words melodic, hypnotizing in their familiarity.

“That’s it, brother, breathe.”

_Brother._

Thor took a shuddering breath and the world snapped back into place.

His hands were clasped in Loki’s, brilliant green eyes lit with the memory of concern.

“Loki,” Thor gasped and grabbed his brother’s hands when they threatened to retreat, anchoring himself to reality through Loki.

“What--what the hell just--” Thor stammered breathlessly, gaze bouncing around the room in confusion.

Loki stared at their clasped hands quietly, wincing when Thor’s grip tightened--though he did not attempt to remove them again.

“I believe,” Loki started distantly, “you had a panic attack.”

Wide-eyed, Thor waited for Loki to elaborate--when his brother remained quiet, he turned the idea over in his head.

“Why?” he whispered. Not expecting a response, he was surprised when Loki softly cleared his throat.

“They are very common after traumatic events,” he spoke evenly, clinically. “Especially in soldiers.”

“That was not my first battle,” Thor shook his head vehemently. “I am used to battle.”

“Thor,” Loki said with more patience than Thor expected, “you witnessed the destruction of your entire realm,” he paused, letting the words sink in. “That is no ordinary battle.”

With a sniff, Thor finally removed his grip from Loki’s, hands falling by his side.

“You speak as if from experience,” he said carefully, mind already returning to the familiar  _is Loki okay what is he hiding what happenedtoyoubrother._

“Maybe,” Loki answered cryptically, gaze averted, refusing to explain his half-answer.

“I--” Thor swallowed and tried again, making sure to maintain eye contact with Loki. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Staying with me,” Thor shrugged. “You could have easily left me to deal with it myself, especially after such a petty fight.”

“Had it truly been about your hair I would have,” Loki stated matter-of-factly, tilting his head in consideration. “How long have you been holding onto that?”

“I didn’t even know I was,” Thor admitted, shrugging when Loki narrowed his eyes. “With Mother I had the chance to properly grieve.”

Loki quickly looked away and Thor felt himself flush.

_ Loki didn’t get to attend her funeral. _

_Loki was locked away._

_"Who put me here?!"_

“I guess I hadn’t allowed myself that for Odin and the others,” he hurried on, overtly aware of the way Loki’s eyes widened at Thor’s use of ‘Odin’ instead of ‘Father’.

“The Warriors Three...I didn’t even know they had been killed until we were all on-board,” Thor shook his head mournfully. “And Sif--I don’t know where she is or if she’s even still alive.”

He missed Sif something fierce. It had been too long since he had last seen her, their parting years ago no where near satisfying enough. In the midsts of helping Jane with the Aether, he hadn’t been able to convey how much he truly appreciated Sif, and they departed with too much left unsaid.

Now he didn’t know if he’d ever even see her again.

“If it’s any consolation,” Loki began slowly, causing Thor’s gaze to meet wary green, “last I heard she was safe.”

“Last you heard?” Thor repeated numbly. “And when would that be?”

Loki started fidgeting with his hands, deigning not to respond.

“Loki,” Thor growled, growing impatient. “What did you do?”

“She was growing suspicious,” he conceded.

“Of your false Odin? Of course she was, she’s smarter than your tricks,” Thor hissed.

“Wish is why I sent her across the universe,” Loki said nonplussed. “She went on a mission to delivery an important artifact.”

“An important artifact...and did she? Deliver the artifact?”

“As far as I know, yes.”

Thor really couldn’t deal with any more emotional whiplash today.

“So where is she now?” He asked hopefully.

“I don’t know.”

“You didn’t send for her?” Thor asked incredulously.

“I was very busy,” Loki monotoned. The image of Loki’s statue and ridiculous play flashed through Thor’s mind.

“Yes, of course, very busy with your theatrics and monuments to a lie,” Thor growled. “I can’t believe you left her out there!”

“Monument to a lie?” Loki shouted indignantly. “The people needed a hero while you were off playing with a bunch of Midgardians.”

“Earth was in peril!” Thor countered thunderously. He had thought his brother dead, mourned him while fighting for those he loved on Midgard, all the while Loki played King and skirted his duties to the Nine Realms.

“You sat and did nothing while the Nine Realms burned.”

“Our people were happy!” Loki hissed, “Or were you too blindsided by rage to notice? Asgard knew peace.”

“At the price of others,” Thor fumed.

“Well now everything’s fucked, so it doesn't’ really matter anymore, does it?” Loki said maddeningly calm, his language the only reason to give Thor pause.

He felt his anger draining the longer he studied his brother. Loki was a master at hiding his emotions, face always a mask, but he had never quite perfected the eyes--so full of life and spirit they betrayed his feelings when one bothered to truly look.

_When was the last time Thor bothered to look?_

“What?” Loki snapped when Thor didn’t continue their fight, only maintained steady eye contact.

Thor’s loss was reflected in Loki’s gaze, a despair so great Thor thought he would drown in all that green. His brother had lost just as much as Thor, except while Thor had been surrounded by loving friends Loki had gone it alone.

_Just like always._

“I don’t want to fight anymore, Loki,” Thor said softly, giving Loki pause. His brother regarded him cooly, gaze assessing. He dropped his fidgeting hands and stepped around the bar to stand near Thor.

“When our people are safe,” Loki began after a moment’s breath, “I will find Sif for you.”

“How do you plan to do that?” Thor asked incredulously. “If Heimdall can’t see her, surely you don’t expect me to believe you--”

“I have ways Heimdall does not,” Loki interrupted. “Just as I can conceal myself from the Gatekeeper, so too I can find those hidden away”

“Another one of your secrets, brother?” Thor asked wryly.

“Simply a way to slip between the shadows of space and time.”

“Oh. Simply. Right,” Thor repeated sarcastically. Loki shrugged and gestured for Thor to follow him out of the bar.

 

They walked side by side down the hall, where Thor realized they were heading towards their quarters.

“Is that how you escaped Ragnarok?” Thor asked suddenly once they were a fair distance from the bar.

“Yes,” Loki hummed, “though I don’t appreciate your questioning, since it leads me to believe you thought I’d perish in the destruction.”

Thor stopped dead in his tracks, eye wide on the back of Loki’s head.

“Surely you don’t think I left you to die?” Thor asked beseechingly.

“What was I supposed to think?” Loki asked, back to Thor. “I was at the epicenter of Sutur’s resurrection, truly a less skilled mage would have died instantly.”

Loki glanced over his shoulder, expression sardonic as he took in Thor’s stunned silence.

“You must truly trust my abilities, brother.”

“I--”

“Regardless, it all worked out in the end, I guess,” Loki shrugged and continued walking. Thor hurried to catch up, unable to conjure the words he needed Loki to hear.

 

The rest of their journey was quiet as Thor pondered Loki’s words and what they meant to his brother. To think Thor had really left him for dead--

“Loki--”

“This is where we depart, brother,” Loki spoke over Thor’s aborted attempts at reconciliation. They had arrived at Loki’s room without Thor noticing, and he saw the dismissal for what it was.

“Alright,” he nodded, surprising Loki with his lack of resistance. “Sleep well, brother. I’ll see you tomorrow for the mission.”

“Of course,” Loki said and disappeared into his room, leaving Thor alone in the hall with his thoughts.

He started the trek towards his own room, eager to sleep the day’s drama away.

Could Loki really slip through space and time in the moments between Ragnarok and the safety of the ship?

Surely his brother was talented, but perhaps his abilities surpassed anything Thor had ever imagined before.

_Or he's lying._

...Or he’s lying.

**Author's Note:**

> boy Thanos is getting really impatient.


End file.
